reflection
as we go on living, we are constantly discovering ourselves. knowingly or otherwise, everything we do seems to reveal more and more of us to ourselves. and in this process whoever we come along, serves as a tool in the self disocvery. how we get along with people and in different scenarios is the test that is instrumental in our definition of ourselves. in this sense every relationship, every encounter howsoever brief or elaborate is a reflection of our own selves.
for example if we make someone laugh, we feel great ourselves. it gives immense satisfaction. we feel that we achieved something by doing something to the other person. now if we are sorry about somnething else then it means that we are dissapointed in our own selves. also if others are dissapointed in us then we feel terrible for causing that to them. and we need to correct it. so everything that we do is eventually affecting us only. because the others are just a medium through which we test these feelings. we essentially learn of ourselves through our relationships.
now for example, if i dont trust somebody. what does it mean? it perhaps means that i ahve not been able to make that person be loyal enough to me to enable myself to trust him/her. in the same way, if somebody doesnt trust me then it means that i have not been yet able to make them come to a stage that they can. so does it mean that in both the cases it my fault? well i think its not a question of faults? its a question of being at a place in a relationship where i have to be working to achieve that trust or be able to enable myself to be trusted. in every relationship its upon me, and me alone to make things work. if i feel that somebody is being difficult, it essentially means that i have not yet been able to come to a stage where they dont behave like that. if i simply give somebody a compliment and if they are suspicious of it simply because they assume that i am either lying or have some ulterior purpose then may be its just who has been able to do enough to wipe any such doubts from their heads! i have failed so far and have to try harder.
doesnt it seem bloody harsh? doesnt it mean that we alone are responsible for everything? well harsh, may be. nothing of worth has ever been simple. and yes we ARE responsible of EVERYTHING in our lives. if somebody says that their parents are 90 percent more responsible for thier starined relation, then it menas that they are 10 percent responsible and since its a shorter percentage they have to work much lesser from their ends to correct their part. and then they can enable their parents to work on the 90. well we never give up on people we love. coz if we love them, then 'enough" is never "enough".
everytime i am angry at someone, i feel terrible later on when it phases out. more so because i think i should have handled it better. should have done something to, in the first place, never let it happen. and if it did to do much better than staying angry. so in the end we arent doing anything for the others alone. we are doing it all for ourselves. if we make somebody laugh, its only because we feel great about that. if we help somebbody, there is a satisfaction inside us for which we did it. its all for us. and i will get ahead and say this. for us ALONE!
sounds idealistic doesnt it? impossible to inculcate in our thinking. saint like. GOD like! well sure is. but even if expectations and fear and jealousy and manipulation for personal gains and greed and temptation and their brothers and sisters burden us all the time, we should strive to achieve an ideal state.saint like. GOD like! i genuinely believe that we all are trying to achieve it. better ourselves every passing moment. its hard and often the efforts and the results are very latent but we do try. i try. i try and put high standards for myself. sometimes so high that i fail all the time. but i do strive. and how do i give up on my relationships. inspite of my failures at them and seemingly vain efforts i have tokeep trying. i feel i have an obligation to assess and evaluate and better myself for my friends and family. and going by the thoeory propounded above, its all in my hands. pressure? yeah. but i have the satistaction of the effort. its better than losing. atleast there is a consolation of being in the race!
so i have to see my relations with others as the reflection of my growth and accordingly have to genuinely work on it. they serve as a parameter to my own self.thankfully i seem to be in consonance to what robbie williams said," LORD! i am doing all i can, to be a better man!".
for example if we make someone laugh, we feel great ourselves. it gives immense satisfaction. we feel that we achieved something by doing something to the other person. now if we are sorry about somnething else then it means that we are dissapointed in our own selves. also if others are dissapointed in us then we feel terrible for causing that to them. and we need to correct it. so everything that we do is eventually affecting us only. because the others are just a medium through which we test these feelings. we essentially learn of ourselves through our relationships.
now for example, if i dont trust somebody. what does it mean? it perhaps means that i ahve not been able to make that person be loyal enough to me to enable myself to trust him/her. in the same way, if somebody doesnt trust me then it means that i have not been yet able to make them come to a stage that they can. so does it mean that in both the cases it my fault? well i think its not a question of faults? its a question of being at a place in a relationship where i have to be working to achieve that trust or be able to enable myself to be trusted. in every relationship its upon me, and me alone to make things work. if i feel that somebody is being difficult, it essentially means that i have not yet been able to come to a stage where they dont behave like that. if i simply give somebody a compliment and if they are suspicious of it simply because they assume that i am either lying or have some ulterior purpose then may be its just who has been able to do enough to wipe any such doubts from their heads! i have failed so far and have to try harder.
doesnt it seem bloody harsh? doesnt it mean that we alone are responsible for everything? well harsh, may be. nothing of worth has ever been simple. and yes we ARE responsible of EVERYTHING in our lives. if somebody says that their parents are 90 percent more responsible for thier starined relation, then it menas that they are 10 percent responsible and since its a shorter percentage they have to work much lesser from their ends to correct their part. and then they can enable their parents to work on the 90. well we never give up on people we love. coz if we love them, then 'enough" is never "enough".
everytime i am angry at someone, i feel terrible later on when it phases out. more so because i think i should have handled it better. should have done something to, in the first place, never let it happen. and if it did to do much better than staying angry. so in the end we arent doing anything for the others alone. we are doing it all for ourselves. if we make somebody laugh, its only because we feel great about that. if we help somebbody, there is a satisfaction inside us for which we did it. its all for us. and i will get ahead and say this. for us ALONE!
sounds idealistic doesnt it? impossible to inculcate in our thinking. saint like. GOD like! well sure is. but even if expectations and fear and jealousy and manipulation for personal gains and greed and temptation and their brothers and sisters burden us all the time, we should strive to achieve an ideal state.saint like. GOD like! i genuinely believe that we all are trying to achieve it. better ourselves every passing moment. its hard and often the efforts and the results are very latent but we do try. i try. i try and put high standards for myself. sometimes so high that i fail all the time. but i do strive. and how do i give up on my relationships. inspite of my failures at them and seemingly vain efforts i have tokeep trying. i feel i have an obligation to assess and evaluate and better myself for my friends and family. and going by the thoeory propounded above, its all in my hands. pressure? yeah. but i have the satistaction of the effort. its better than losing. atleast there is a consolation of being in the race!
so i have to see my relations with others as the reflection of my growth and accordingly have to genuinely work on it. they serve as a parameter to my own self.thankfully i seem to be in consonance to what robbie williams said," LORD! i am doing all i can, to be a better man!".
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