judgement
often i have noticed that how close two people are depends on the consonance of their views on other people. thats funny i think. when we talk or have a conversation it invariably revolves about people who arent there and quite so often about people that none of us know persoanally. for example sports persons. politicians, actors, etc etc. and we all see to have insights about them. the source of our views are generally, for example in cases of actors, their performances, their interviews and the various stories about them in circulations every where. on the basis of these we think we know them as a person and thus brand them as to be like"that".
whats the need for such assumption? and why do we so often think we know people and are almost obsessed to categorise them? we so often meet people and then in our heads assess them and make a judgement about them. and it doesnt stop there. we prononce that of them to other people and so many times affect the individual assessment of what that other person might make. now its still alright if we have nicer things to say about the other person. but really not that good when our judgment about them is not very favourable of them. on the basis of our understanding we invariably try to cloud the chances of that third person might have to impress upon other people.
i think our instincts work while interacting with opeople and on the basis of what it tells us we act around such person. but like instincts in every person is unique, just like finger prints, different people will behave diferently around a third person on the basis of his own individual assessment. now in the event that we tell somebody about our experience with that person and thrust upon him our own assessment so as to make it sound as a universal truth, it prejudices the mind of the other person. and i have observed such a thing is very common in relations where we have a more impressionable standing. we believe that we know the third person inside out and he is 'just' the way i 'know' he is.
i often wonder what i would do if i were to be in someone elses shoes. for example what if i were born to not so well off parents and had to work as a child and even basic things were not available to me without a daily fight. how would have i grown up to be? how would i have realised any ambitions i had? working for it? begging? stealing? murdering? who knows that! i think its very easy to judge somebody from our place. its another thing to see it from their eyes. i firmly believe that every one is trying really hard to realise what they want and need, for tyhemselves or even for others like their family. its a struggle for everyone just to be their own selves. and in that struggle all we have is our own personal beliefsa and faith and strenghts. and our greatest hindrance is our own insecurities and weaknesses and fears.
i feel its hard enough to fight the war inside us. matters get tougher when others burden us with their own expectations and judgements. as long as someone is not hurting any body, i think that somebody is entitled to be himself. opinions, suggestions and advises are one thing, condemnation is something totally else.
so why do we "judge" people anyways. i believe we never judge them in isolation. we do that always keeping ourselves as a scale. if we like somebody its generally because he is like us and when we tend to dislike somebody its sometimes because we feel threatened by them in some way. our judgment are merely another attempt to define ourselves in our own eyes in relation to the people we are judging. when we say that." how could he do that?", we mean that i would never do that. and " i like his doing that!" translate that i would surely do that given a chance. this means that we try to find a link between us and our object of judgment. we try and identify ourselves only in other people. its not others that we are categorising, its infact us only we are defining! i see that its a part of our eternal quest to "find" and "know" ourselves. our judgment of others are nothing but judgment of our own self.
i genuinely feel that we need to be lenient on ourselves and infact we are most of the time. and may be since judging others is essentially judging ourselves, we might as well cut people a little slack. like shakespeare said, if we all were to get what we deserve, no one will go to heaven! just like GOD, lets treat everyone with a little more kindness. it shouldnt be that difficult i suppose. who knows, we all might go to heaven then!
whats the need for such assumption? and why do we so often think we know people and are almost obsessed to categorise them? we so often meet people and then in our heads assess them and make a judgement about them. and it doesnt stop there. we prononce that of them to other people and so many times affect the individual assessment of what that other person might make. now its still alright if we have nicer things to say about the other person. but really not that good when our judgment about them is not very favourable of them. on the basis of our understanding we invariably try to cloud the chances of that third person might have to impress upon other people.
i think our instincts work while interacting with opeople and on the basis of what it tells us we act around such person. but like instincts in every person is unique, just like finger prints, different people will behave diferently around a third person on the basis of his own individual assessment. now in the event that we tell somebody about our experience with that person and thrust upon him our own assessment so as to make it sound as a universal truth, it prejudices the mind of the other person. and i have observed such a thing is very common in relations where we have a more impressionable standing. we believe that we know the third person inside out and he is 'just' the way i 'know' he is.
i often wonder what i would do if i were to be in someone elses shoes. for example what if i were born to not so well off parents and had to work as a child and even basic things were not available to me without a daily fight. how would have i grown up to be? how would i have realised any ambitions i had? working for it? begging? stealing? murdering? who knows that! i think its very easy to judge somebody from our place. its another thing to see it from their eyes. i firmly believe that every one is trying really hard to realise what they want and need, for tyhemselves or even for others like their family. its a struggle for everyone just to be their own selves. and in that struggle all we have is our own personal beliefsa and faith and strenghts. and our greatest hindrance is our own insecurities and weaknesses and fears.
i feel its hard enough to fight the war inside us. matters get tougher when others burden us with their own expectations and judgements. as long as someone is not hurting any body, i think that somebody is entitled to be himself. opinions, suggestions and advises are one thing, condemnation is something totally else.
so why do we "judge" people anyways. i believe we never judge them in isolation. we do that always keeping ourselves as a scale. if we like somebody its generally because he is like us and when we tend to dislike somebody its sometimes because we feel threatened by them in some way. our judgment are merely another attempt to define ourselves in our own eyes in relation to the people we are judging. when we say that." how could he do that?", we mean that i would never do that. and " i like his doing that!" translate that i would surely do that given a chance. this means that we try to find a link between us and our object of judgment. we try and identify ourselves only in other people. its not others that we are categorising, its infact us only we are defining! i see that its a part of our eternal quest to "find" and "know" ourselves. our judgment of others are nothing but judgment of our own self.
i genuinely feel that we need to be lenient on ourselves and infact we are most of the time. and may be since judging others is essentially judging ourselves, we might as well cut people a little slack. like shakespeare said, if we all were to get what we deserve, no one will go to heaven! just like GOD, lets treat everyone with a little more kindness. it shouldnt be that difficult i suppose. who knows, we all might go to heaven then!
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