rajarsh

my last vision just before the crash was yellow. not the kinds which may be associated with what chris martin wrote for gwyneth paltrow. it was the colour of the bus which appeared from nowhere and was found to be horizontally placed in front of my car. my last thought was,"this is it?!". just before the bang, time froze. and i rued at how, just like that its all going to end. soon after the crash thankfully i did'nt lose any balance in my head. i almost immediately made sure that everyone in the car was unhurt and fine and after that everything seemed to go by in a jiffy. the hospitals and the ambulance and the x-rays and the m.r.i and doctors and concerned relatives. while all this went happening around me, i was shocked to be alive after it all and on top of it, unscratched. well more or less. and whatever little injuries that were sustained were actually a bare minimum there could have been considering it was a head-on collison, the kinds shown in movies and my car (i...

there was a time of obscurity and vagueness and was unkind inspite of the best efforts i could only drag my mind to move to a destination that was not in sight the journey to it seemed unconquered inspite of all might the moon shone so bright that the sky appeared starless all night alone with only my shadow for company i treaded in the sparkling moonlight to go by in circles of endless circumferences engulfed with memories and thoughts of interferences there is a tear somewhere in my soul the hot wind is breezing through that hole with pride and my head held high i take shaking steps with moisture in my eye abandoned by the world at last i am banished with feelings only of my past again that time is upon me here infact it never went anywhere

as we go on living, we are constantly discovering ourselves. knowingly or otherwise, everything we do seems to reveal more and more of us to ourselves. and in this process whoever we come along, serves as a tool in the self disocvery. how we get along with people and in different scenarios is the test that is instrumental in our definition of ourselves. in this sense every relationship, every encounter howsoever brief or elaborate is a reflection of our own selves. for example if we make someone laugh, we feel great ourselves. it gives immense satisfaction. we feel that we achieved something by doing something to the other person. now if we are sorry about somnething else then it means that we are dissapointed in our own selves. also if others are dissapointed in us then we feel terrible for causing that to them. and we need to correct it. so everything that we do is eventually affecting us only. because the others are just a medium through which we test these feelings. we essentially ...

for me solitude differs from lonliness in as much as there seems to be a certain romance involved with solitude. i cant say how it differs in terms of its definition. havent even checked the dictionary to see their respective meanings. however how i percieve it is being summarised in the following attempt to where i see it exist. it is in the fluttering of a flag it is the sound of the wind in the sand it is in the glory of a past success it is an attempt to overcome a loss it is a crucified GOD on the cross it is in the crashing of a wave into the cliff it is in the coldness of a lover's tiff it is the depth of a still river it is the lightning at night it is in the sparlkle of the sun's bright it is the vaccum of the sky it is in the introspection of a hard try it is colour of the fire it is in the weight of desire it is the courage of a widow it is the butterfly in the meadow it is the unpublished words of an author it is the symphony of flowing water it is in the dreams of ...

often i have noticed that how close two people are depends on the consonance of their views on other people. thats funny i think. when we talk or have a conversation it invariably revolves about people who arent there and quite so often about people that none of us know persoanally. for example sports persons. politicians, actors, etc etc. and we all see to have insights about them. the source of our views are generally, for example in cases of actors, their performances, their interviews and the various stories about them in circulations every where. on the basis of these we think we know them as a person and thus brand them as to be like"that". whats the need for such assumption? and why do we so often think we know people and are almost obsessed to categorise them? we so often meet people and then in our heads assess them and make a judgement about them. and it doesnt stop there. we prononce that of them to other people and so many times affect the individual assessment of...

there was a news item in the papers i read sometime back that was particularily disturbing for me. some car fellow bumped into a 7 year old on a cycle and broke it. the kid cryingh all the while was demanding the car driver and his companion to get him a new cycle or to pay him some money. the two men got so irritated that they burnt the kid alive. well my advocate instinct tell me not to believe anything and everything as i hear. but so many of them are true. and so could be this. a kid was perhaps roasted in the capital of the country for what exactly?! what have we become? or have we been like this all along? since time immemorial all we know that violence has been in every era, in every part of the world, in every strata of the society. behind every victory of any king has been a bloodshed of magnificent sorts. every religion stands on the ground of corpses of men and women and children who apparently were sacrificed in the greater quest of achieveing GOD by their slayers. human be...

so i went to audition for solo singing for the inter school competition. all those who have heard my singing voice are perhaps already dead laughing. so there i was before a couple of teachers and i start it. all i remember is that my friends had this sparkle in their eyes and the crazy smirk on the face as they had realised that they have found the story to embarrass me all my life and since then they have left no oppurtunity to do so. the teachers before me in all fairness to them tried all they had to conceal their amusement but failed miserably. now when i think of it i do think that it was all very funny. for everyone. why did i do it? i honestly and purposefully believed i had the voice of a rockstar and would melt the women into my worshipping groupies ( which obviously the purpose of doing anything. ANYTHING at all! and nothing has changed!! ). so i had two choices. grab the oppurtunity and become a legend or keep quiet and make fun of the other horrible voices and think in my ...